At 24 years old I lost my husband of 1.5 years. This is round 2 of life as a Crazy Widow.

It’s been months since I have made mention of my former Quad J Cancer Squad, but today there is a very sad, but important update.

Unfortunately, now two of the J’s have passed from this world. We lost Jennifer to Angiosarcoma last year, which was such a sad loss for me, as her and I connected on a deep level through our personal experiences with Angiosarcoma.

Today the world loses Jerry, to esophagael cancer. I met Jerry’s family at a local church, and our families prayed for one another as both Kevin & Jerry faced very similar surgeries and situations dealing with esophagael located cancers. He has battled long and hard, with many ups and downs, and today, he rests, and his family does as well, but it is such a weary, lonesome rest.

I am happy to say the other two J’s are doing well-Julie is in remission and doing great-she is such an amazing spirit. I do not have the official update on Jason, but I know he is around and from what I understand, well.

With Jerry’s loss, I know that another widow has entered the world. I know that children have lost their father. I know a community has lost a great man, an amazing musician, and a kind soul.

While I never got to know Jerry well, I walked with their family and journeyed with them and their story as they have faced this battle of cancer, and it is never easy. I will walk with them now. Sending love and hugs.

July is insane. I look ahead, and go, wait, is it August? In 2 days I’ll be enjoying a hopefully quiet camping beach vacation outside of Assateague with my parents and siblings. In 11 days, I’ll be leading the first EVER central Pennsylvania Team Sarcoma event (http://www.facebook.com/TeamSarcomaPA), and in 17 days I’ll be leaving on a 10 day trip with my parents to drive to Winnipeg to visit family. Then July is done. Yep, that’s it.

I started off this summer clearing my plate so that I could literally do what I wanted, when I wanted, and that has not really happened. A bit yes, but mostly I have just been insanely planned, which is so typical of me. I love to plan, but I do not always love to follow through completely. The planning part of me definitely thrives more than the follow through. It’s why I’m one of annoying dreamers who doesn’t achieve even 10% of what I want, or do I?

July takes me back to a lot of things-this time two years ago we (Kevin & I) were returning early from our trip to Winnipeg when he became increasingly ill. I don’t want to keep going back, but that is what brought me here-to traveling to the beach without my spouse, to organizing a Team Sarcoma Event in honor of his passing, to visiting my in-laws in Winnipeg alone, for the first time since his memorial.

Death has brought me to a lot of places, most of which I have not enjoyed, but it has also brought me into a lot of lives that I deeply cherish. These connections, this community, while it has kept me insanely busy, it has also helped me blossom into someone I am proud to be-someone who DOES follow through and hopefully inspires others to do the same.

I think all our life events shape us, and death has certainly done that for me, but so has love. The love I experienced prior to his passing taught me a lot about selflessness, and the ability for love to overshadow many inconveniences in life.

What is shaping you?