I can’t tell you the last time I picked up the bible and actually read, but sometimes I go to Upper Room Devotional to find some faith inspiration. When Kevin was ill, I often posted devotional reflections from this website, ones that seemed so perfect for our situation were frequently posted on days when we needed their guidance.

Randomly, when I’m lacking direction, or floundering on what to say or feel about certain situations, I still go there to see what the message says to me today.

“Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls.”
-Jeremiah 6:16 (NIV)

Rest for my soul. This concept is not only something that sounds so far out of reach, but something that calls my life. It is probably the reason that the hymn “It is well with my soul” was sung at Kevin’s funeral, should be sung at mine, and is something I strive for in my life.

“When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.” – Horatio Gates Spafford

I choked through singing this at Kevin’s funeral, but it was so important for me to sing that last part, that the trumpet shall sound, that God will descend, that we will rest in peace and our souls will be well! Although I lack the faith compared to many, and I do not devote my time or tithes to the church as I was taught, I do have faith. Simple, honest faith that believes that God is there to protect my soul, to carry Kevin’s.

I can only hope and pray that the mistakes I make today are no more, and that the trials I have and will continue to suffer will not be for nothing, because of my faith.

This is the obituary for former co-worker’s daughter who passed unexpectedly on Tuesday. Please lift the Russoniello’s in your thoughts and prayers….

Elizabeth C. Russoniello

Elizabeth Christina “Liz” Russoniello, 20, of Lancaster, died unexpectedly Tuesday at Lancaster General Hospital. Born in Lancaster, PA, Liz was the daughter of Patrick J. and Janice (Evans) Russoniello.

Liz was a sophomore at Shippensburg University, where she was double majoring in English and Secondary Education. She was employed for three years by Giant at Lancaster Shopping Center as a cashier and checkout coach.

Liz graduated from St. Anne Parochial School in 2003, and was a 2007 graduate of Lancaster Catholic High School, where she was a member of the marching band color guard, and Writers Anonymous.

A member of St. John Neumann Catholic Church, Liz taught Religious Education during the 2006-07 school year.

Liz was a volunteer for Relay for life, Respect Life Group at LCHS, and North Museum. She enjoyed reading and writing. Liz was a generous, sweet, loving person, and was a big help around the home. She put everyone else before herself, and as a result of her being an organ donor, was able to help 5 people through the Gift of Life program. She was very proud that she bought her own car in November 2007.

In addition to her parents, Liz is survived by her brothers and sisters, Becky of Austin, TX, Patrick of Lancaster, Joanie, Frank, Tommy, Margie, Maria, and Sabina, at home, maternal grandparents, Frank and Patricia Evans of Flagtown, NJ, and many aunts, uncles, cousins, and friends. She is preceded in death by her paternal grandparents, Michael and Joan Russoniello.

Relatives and friends are respectfully invited to attend the Mass of Christian Burial Monday, December 22, 2008 at 11 AM at St. John Neumann Catholic Church, 601 East Delp Road, Lancaster, PA with Rev. Msgr. Richard Youtz as celebrant. Interment will be in St. Joseph New Catholic Cemetery, Bausman, PA. A viewing will be held Sunday evening from 6 until 8 PM at Charles F. Snyder Jr. Funeral Home and Chapel, Inc., 3110 Lititz Pike, Lititz, PA, and again at the church on Monday morning from 9 until 10:30AM, with the rosary being recited at 10:30 AM. Please omit flowers. Memorial Contributions in Liz’ memory may be made to Dominican Sisters of the Perpetual Rosary, 1834 Lititz Pike, Lancaster, PA 17601. To send an online condolence, please visit www.snyderfuneralhome.com.

The more I clean, the more things I find to remind me of Kevin. Just the simple things…his sunglasses, batteries from his work truck, his old worktruck keys..everything. Today was pretty good-I had a fun time at Ikea with a good friend…but after that, parts of it have been so overwhelming.

More crying and driving..that’s a bad new habit of mine. And now, cleaning, relaxing…just finding more and more of his things are hard. I found the guts to put the rose from the burial, in a vase, with our first christmas together ornament and a picture of his next to his side of the bed. I look at it now, and…wow. It’s a beautiful memorial of him, but I just wish he were here. I miss him so much.

1 month is now past…and I can hardly believe it.

Yesterday was beautiful, yet one of the most difficult days I have faced. The hardest part is that I know I will have even more difficult days ahead as the realization hits me that Kev is gone.

What you all shared with me yesterday, and with Linda and Ken, was love and warmth and caring. THank you so much for that gift to us. We were ableto celebrate Kevin’s life in a way he would have loved, so thank you so much for this.

It was so hard leaving the church yesterday knowing that the fight really is over and now I am on my own. I know I have so many of you, and God, surrounding me, but it is still a surreal feeling.

You surround me all, and I thank you.

Please be with all of us, as Doug travels back to Beeton, Ontario, and as Linda, Ken and I hopefully all get on the SAME plan back to Winnipeg on Wednesday. I will be there until Monday to be with them, and to participate in the wake in Kevin’s honor.

It is so hard….

I’m not sure I can handle the word “widow” at my age. If you don’t already know, I’m just 24. Who’s a widow at 24??? It’s just so hard to FACE that word.

I think that’s why I chose not just to wear black, but to wear a teal cocktail dress today. First off, it’s a color I love. Kevin told me just last week, that he thought I looked pretty when I wore a new teal tshirt. So..that’s another reason. Plus, I feel pretty in this dress.

I decided to look up the meaning of the color teal. It signifies emotional healing, pleasing, rich, protection, unique and expensive. Not sure about all of them…but the first one. Emotional healing. I think Kevin chose this dress for me. And I think that he’s looking down from heaven and saying, she looks so beautiful. I am sure of it.

I wish I had you here to dance with in this dress, Kev. I really do. I miss you so much.

I don’t know if it’s Irony or what. But today Kevin will be buried in the same cemetary as the church we were married in. My funeral dress is currently hanging off of my wedding dress (as we moved in with my parents, and the dress never got put away). The same pastors who married us and gave their blessing are the ones celebrating Kevin’s life today.

It’s just so hard. It’s a day I don’t want to believe is here. It is a day that I don’t want to be a part of because I know how hard it will be. It is a day I just cannot bear. This is just too hard.

The shock is here, and I cannot believe this is happening. I hate it. I really do hate it.

I miss you so much Kevin.

Again, no words to speak of today.

Doug arrived safely, and we all went to say goodbye to Kevin before the casket was closed. An amazingly difficult day, but we celebrated his spirit tonight by dining at Five Guys Burgers and Fries, one of his favorite places. Afterwards, Linda, Ken and I spent the evening at Doug’s hotel room to just reminisce. It was beautiful.

Tomorrow will be…..well, you know.

Please lift us up in prayer. I just don’t want to be there tomorrow in many ways, but I know I need that closure, and I need all of you. Thank you.

This is going to be a tough weekend ahead for ALL of us. Today we are going to the funeral home to see Kevin before the casket is closed. I cannot imagine how this is going to feel, but I know it’s going to hurt very badly.

Tomorrow will be the private burial before the visitation and funeral. For me, I believe this will be the hardest. As much as I hold him in my heart and soul, leaving his earthly body to rest is going to be so difficult.

Please keep Linda and Ken in your prayers. Unfortunately, Linda’s birthday is tomorrow, and that just makes this all the more harder to swallow.

Lift us up as we struggle through this very difficult weekend ahead. Thank you.

A drop-in wake will be held in Winnipeg, Manitoba for Kevin on Sunday, November 9th from 4:30 p.m. and after at the Assiniboine Park Conservatory.

Refreshments will be serviced.